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Why did these ordinary middle class couples choose to adopt babies born from the violations of war and from in a country so foreign to them both geographically and culturally? Having asked such questions during his interviews with the parents, Mustafa Chowdhury states in his book that he learned from the parents that they were greatly influenced by the ideals of their time – the 1960s in North America which represented an era of uprisings to gain civil rights, ending discrimination in society, anti-Vietnam war protests, and the dream of Martin Luther King. In 1971, Canada became the first country in the world to adopt a Multiculturalism policy which embodied in law the principle of racial and cultural equality with the force of law. The parents understood multiculturalism as that which would help to create an inclusive society in which Canadians of all backgrounds can participate and meaningfully contribute to the ongoing social revolution. During their interviews with Chowdhary, they recalled how they wanted to live up to the ideals of equality and justice. Upon seeing the brutality of the massacre in Occupied Bangladesh and pictures of Bangladeshi war babies on newspapers, magazines, and television programs, it drew their outrage. They felt that they should do whatever little they could for these war-babies who were motherless and homeless; Chowdhury writes that the “courage and strong conviction needed to adopt and raise war babies stemmed from such deeply held views” (127).

 

When asked about the parents’ approach in communicating with their children about their adoptive status, they maintained that there was never any pretense that they were the biological parents of the child. They were honest about their adoption status and history. Given that the racial difference was clearly visible, they thought it would cause negative effects on their children if they didn't know the truth. They were aware of the distinction between biological and sociological parenthood and they assigned their duty as the latter. However, the parents were careful to keep in mind not to overburden the child with the anxieties that accompanies the backdrop to an adoption story. The message the parents had for their children was that one should accept one’s adoptive status and be proud of it. As the children were growing up and becoming inquisitive about their origin, the parents were supportive of their children’s interests in their homeland throughout their life. 

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Donna and Del Wolsey, one of the adoptive couples, formed a support group called Canadopt within months after the arrival of the babies to help the parents and extended family members to overcome their lack of experience with the racial background of the war babies. The support group also became a resource for couples across Canada, providing a meaningful support system for children adopted from overseas. Eventually it became a platform to engage with the government to facilitate a smooth process of international adoption. As Donna saw it, “the support group was formed with a view to banding together to know each other and to encourage interaction among them. As well, to battle government red tape that could hinder international adoption.” [1]

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In 1989, Donna Wolsey organized a grand trip for the Ontario adoptees to visit Bangladesh. The Wolseys, the Morralls, and the Goods recall in their interview how they still remember witnessing their children’s exuberance in the same spirit. Wolsey's daughter, Amina regularly attended events hosted by the Bengali community in the Ontario’s London area.

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Children's Accounts

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The children’s narratives remained very much aligned with that of their adoptive parents. In the interviews over a number of years between the author and the adoptee, the children shared openly about their feelings, their view of racial and ethnic identification, and their life history. With no hesitation of any kind, the war babies talked in their interviews about how they had embraced their adoptive parents as their guardians, always had a loving, respectful relationship with them and felt the “togetherness” in the family. Despite their struggles with the reality of their origin, they were glad to have known their past. They had grown up to become one family, learning their respective adoptive family histories, customs, religions and values. By adolescence, as the war-children grew mature enough to engage with the consequences of the Liberation war, they understood their mothers’ situation and mostly expressed contemptuous attitudes towards their putative fathers. They accepted the fact that there may not be a possibility of reuniting with their birthmothers due to the lack of documentation but remained deeply intrigued by their birth-nation Bangladesh and its struggle for independence. 

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In 1989, through the initiative of Del and Donna Wolsey, five of the war-children - Rani, Ryan, Lara, Rajib and Amina - visited their homeland for the first time. During their seven day trip to Dhaka, Bangladesh, they visited the Shishu Bhavan where they were born. Having witnessed the stark reality of Bangladesh with their own eyes, they reached a new sense of awareness that brought all of them closer with a sense of bonding. Upon returning, the war-children met arrangements of regular meetings and kept in touch with each other. 

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Amongst these children of war, Ryan was the only one who delved deeper into their shared past. He developed a strong desire to find his birth mother and made a second trip to Bangladesh in 1991, at nineteen, and again in 1997, at the age of twenty-five, where he tried in vain to find his birth mother. With maturity he learned to come to terms with the fact that searching for his birth mother would be an excruciatingly painful journey which would lead to nowhere. During his interview with Mustafa, he assessed his situation - “My curiosity of my birth mother has changed. I now have a desire to know more and more about all the birth mothers – all 250,000 of them.” (139)

 

Rani, who grew up in a family of two children, had also become greatly preoccupied with knowing her roots at a point of time in her life. During her trip to Bangladesh, her visit to the orphanage premises gave her a new sense of personal power and a level of satisfaction. She said that she felt more engaged, as her visit to her country of birth helped her link herself with her unknown birthmother. 

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Onil, Sikha, and Shama who grew up in a family of four adopted children, appeared to have great interest in their birth-land Bangladesh but maintained that they were happy and felt connected with their adoptive family. Lara appeared to be most at peace with her history. She said in her interview:

 

“In all these years, I have never really wondered about my past, my parents or a family I may have left behind in Bangladesh and I have never made any attempt to try to find them . . . To this day, I have not made any attempt to discover my family roots and it is unlikely that I will do so in the near future.” (Chowdhury 140)

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Ryan remains a burning example of how childhood memories of where one is raised may override other memories and prepare one to identify oneself with, not where one is born but, instead, raised. Despite his demonstrably extraordinary and powerful mind in accepting the harsh reality of his birth and his life, Ryan chose to call himself “Canadian.” 

 

When asked if they had faced experiences of racism and discrimination, the war-babies recalled that most of them did not have memories of any overt hostility in their schools and universities. Yet, they mentioned how they would become self conscious about their appearance back in school as almost all of their classmates who were white looked different from them and recalled instances of hurtful remarks:

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One of Amina’s experiences dates back to early years when she was the only brown kid in the school. When she was in grade one, there was a girl who had told all the other kids not to stand by her because she was “dirty,” probably referring to the color of her skin. Naturally, Amina was hurt. . . she now remembers it as rather an amusing experience that had caused mirth, to say the least. (Mustafa 147)

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Lara recalled during her interview how she had “encountered cruel and ignorant children” who had called her “names, such as ‘dirty Paki’ and ‘brown cow” when she was a child. Onil recounted with a distinct memory of certain encounters of similar nature:

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In my pre-teen years and in my teen years I experienced some events involving overt racism. It has always been in the form of name-calling. I always walked away. I found that simply avoiding a confrontation had worked the best and sometimes I joked with the verbal assailant and deescalated their hostility….When I was young, these comments made me wish that I were Caucasian too. I did not focus on the fact that I was different during these verbal assaults,” (Chowdhury 148) 

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The Boonstra family recalls how people in public places would look at their son, Chris, curiously. They remember how, during their road trips to the United States, the border patrol would single out Chris while no questions were asked about the other four siblings because they were white. Some recollected how, on certain occasions, they were watched or stared at by curious onlookers and strangers around, or often they had to stand at counters waiting to be served.

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Some parents talked about their encounters with strangers where racial diversity of the family often became a source of amusement because they used to be asked questions such as, “where did you get him or her from?” In such situations, one couple recalled often giving prompt and hilarious retorts like “through a mail-order catalogue” (Chowdhury 135) Though somewhat amusing, they said encounters of such nature had made them doubly careful, which, over the years, also made them more patient and less reactive.

 

What emerged from their narratives is that whether they have experienced or not, the war-children are aware that beneath the surface, many people harbor feelings that are mixed into prejudice and stereotype. We learn from Chowdhury’s assessment of his interviews with the children and their parents that although the adoptees grew up “seeing” the color of their skins being different from their parents, all of them identified strongly with their white parents and spoke their language. Both the parents and the children worked towards sustaining a happy and satisfied life and paid attention to the ideal of celebrating and treasuring the differences among the family members. Having lived in Canada all their lives, they are of the view that those who discriminate show a great lack of respect, compassion, and intelligence because they cannot see beyond the physical attributes of another person. They conclude that even the most loving family cannot be shielded from the harsh realities of prejudice and racism that still exist in Canadian society. Nevertheless, having been born and brought up in their Canadian families as infants, the war children mostly remained confident about their identity and self-image. 

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